


Testify

by ARtheBard



Series: JEmily Forever [10]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 22:13:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10773525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARtheBard/pseuds/ARtheBard
Summary: JJ and Emily have hit a major bump in their young marriage. Can JJ overcome the feeling of betrayal or will the job send another couple into divorce?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story features flashbacks to actual episodes of Criminal Minds. I will note at the bottom of chapters what episode is involved.

Emily slowly makes her way to the day care center. She smiles at Matilda, who runs the center.

“Hi, Emily! You must be here to pick up Henry.”

Emily puts on the smile she had perfected as the child of politicians. “Unfortunately I’m just stopping in to say hello. I’ve got to fly to Montana to testify in a trial that starts Monday. I have to do prep this weekend with the prosecutors and meet with the defense, too.”

“Ugh. Doesn’t sound like a fun weekend. Well, Henry is over there. Have fun!”

Emily sees Henry playing with his activity center. She just watches him for a moment as he laughs and giggles at the noises it makes. She chuckles and walks over to him.

“Hey, Champ.”

His head whips around, shock on his face. She can’t help but laugh at the cute look. It is quickly replaced by a huge grin and he throws his arms towards her. She lifts him up, hugging him close.

“Hi, Henry. I’ve missed you, Little Man. Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

He puts a sloppy kiss on her cheek and her heart melts. The thought of not having him in her life flashes through her mind. She has no legal rights to Henry. If she and JJ split he could be kept away from her. She closes her eyes against the tears that threaten. She takes a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.

“I love you, Henry. I swear I want to make things work with your Mommy. I swear. But it we can’t fix…whatever this is…I promise to try to stay in your life. I love you so much. You are my son, Henry. You are.” She gives him another kiss. “I hate to do this, Champ but I have to go away again. I hope by the time I get back your mother is speaking to me again so we can work things out. I love her so much but I really fu—uh, messed up. Try to put in a good word for me, will you?” He smiles and claps his hands. She smiles. “Thanks, Henry. I love you.”

She can’t tell him she loves him enough. She is terrified of losing him but knows she could never win a custody battle. Well, maybe with her parents’ connections and money she  _could_   but she would never do that to JJ or Henry.

She starts to put him down but he grabs at her lip. She smiles and goes to sit in a nearby rocking chair. She cuddles him close and begins to sing to him. In no time at all he is asleep. She stares at the sleeping boy for nearly 5 minutes, soaking in everything about him. She finally stands and places him in the crib beside her. She pats his back once more.

“I love you, Henry.”

She kisses his head and, waving goodbye to Matilda, walks out of the day care area. On her way to the front doors of the building she runs into Penelope Garcia, whom the profiler thinks was probably lying in wait for her.

“I don’t have time for a lecture, Garcia. I fucked up. I know it. I have to go.”

Garcia grabs Emily’s arm and stops her. “Don’t run away from her, Emily.”

Emily gets defensive. “I’m not running. I’ve got to go to Montana on a case I consulted on. And she made it clear she does not want to talk to me right now. And I don’t blame her. I fucked up, Pen, and I tried to apologize. She didn’t accept.”

“And that’s it? The going gets tough so you get going? Right out the door? Damn it, Emily, love is worth fighting for!”

Emily stares out the glass doors a moment before turning back to Garcia. “Maybe I’m sick and damn tired of fighting for love from the important people in my life.”

She pushes past Garcia and heads out the door. The cab she had already called for is waiting. She climbs in and gives her address. She spends the ride wondering how much longer she would have the condo. If she has lost JJ and Henry, she could never live there again.


	2. Chapter 2

Two and a half hours later Emily is on a flight to Billings, Montana. She has the case file in front of her and knows she should be reviewing it but just can’t bring herself to open it. As she stares at the FBI seal on the cover of the folder, she flashes back to her first full day at the BAU.

* * *

 

**Emily arrives at 7:30, hoping to be the first person in the office. She wants to get her desk settled and start reviewing recent BAU case reports to get an idea of how the team works together. She has not been at her desk long when she feels the presence of someone else in the room. She turns and sees a beautiful, blonde-haired woman walking into the kitchenette area.**

**“ _Well, the cases might be gruesome but at least the scenery will be nice_ ,” Emily thinks to herself. Emily stands and heads over to introduce herself. When the woman finishes making coffee she turns and jumps.**

**“Holy shit!”**

**Emily can’t help but chuckle. “Um, hi.”**

**JJ sets her coffee down. “Hi. You scared the crap out of me! No one gets here this early. Uh, who are you, any way?”**

**“Emily Prentiss,” she extends her hand. “This is my first day with the BAU. I just wanted a chance to familiarize myself with the team and cases and stuff.”**

**JJ finally smiles and Emily is stunned by how blue the woman’s eyes are. “Hi, Jennifer Jareau. I’m the team communications liaison. All our cases come through my office where I either flag them for individual agents or contact Hotch to get the team ready to respond in person. I’ll also be the one bugging you for reports, case files, and any other paperwork you have to do. If it gets done in this department I have a hand in it. In fact, I believe you’re the one I’m supposed to be running policies down with today.”**

**Emily shakes her head. “Wow. You sure Chief Hotchner runs this department and not you?” the brunette jokes.**

**JJ grins and winks. “I just let him _think_  he runs it.” They both laugh. “So, first and most importantly, first into the office makes the coffee. If you don’t like it strong make sure to beat me in each morning.”**

**Emily smiles. “The stronger the better.”**

**“Good woman!” JJ pulls a mug out of the cabinet and hands it to Emily. “Get a cup poured and we can get started…unless you want to wait and do whatever you were doing?”**

**Emily bites her lip in thought. “Well, considering I’m on probation with Chief Hotchner I think it would be best to get started.”**

**JJ frowns. “Probation? Why?”**

**“There was a bit of a SNAFU with my transfer. It’s ruffled a few feathers. Hopefully it will smooth out soon.”**

**JJ smiles sincerely. “I’m sure it will. This team…it’s like a family. It may take them a bit to warm up to you but they will. Just do your job to the best of your ability and everything will be fine.”**

**“Thanks, Agent Jareau.”**

**“Whoa! Hey, first thing you need to know: I’m JJ. Only reporters are forced to call me Agent Jareau.”**

**Emily laughs. “Okay, JJ. And I’m Emily.”**

**They had spent the next hour going over the various reports and forms Emily would be filling out while with the BAU. JJ had also explained the process of how requests are vetted for follow up.**

**“A lot of times we have reports from over-eager or inexperienced detectives who are trying desperately to link cases together. We have to be careful how we shoot them down because we don’t want them too embarrassed to ask for help in the future. If you want, the first time or two you have to let someone down, I’d be happy to look over your letter before you send it. I can even send you a couple of letters that have been sent in the past to give you an idea how to phrase things.”**

**“That’d be great! Both those things.”**

**JJ glances at her clock. “We have a meeting at 10. How about a break before—hold that thought,” she says as her phone rings. “Jareau.”**

**Emily watches as her eyes widen and her face pales. JJ nods at whatever the person on the other end is saying.**

**“Yes, sir. Yes. Right. Agent Prentiss is with me going over protocols. I’ll look for the information and we’ll meet you in the conference room.” She hangs up and looks at Emily. “Time to get your feet wet, Agent Prentiss. We’ve got a case and it looks to be a doozy.”**

**“How do you know?”**

**“Because it came from the Director right to Hotch. That is never a good sign.”**

**Emily nods. Part of her wishes she had more time to get to know this blonde but another part of her is eager to start proving herself to her new department.**

* * *

Emily shoves the file folder back in her briefcase. She’ll have to review later. Her mind is back in D.C. with the love of her life.

She had known that first morning JJ was going to be someone special in her life. Emily wasn’t quite sure when she first realized her initial appreciation of the woman’s beauty had turned into a crush. But she had respected JJ enough to never act on the feelings she thought would not be returned. JJ had been dating a local lawyer at the time so Emily had assumed she was straight.

Emily smiles at the memory of finding out JJ was bi-sexual. She had figured it gave her a 50-50 chance should she ever have the guts to ask her out. Had she known the blonde harbored a secret crush of her own she might have made a move sooner.

But it was all a moot point now. They were married and they were further apart emotionally than they had ever been. And all because Emily had disrespected JJ; hadn’t trusted her. Those were wounds that sometimes never scabbed over.

“ _You’re a fucking idiot, Prentiss_ ,” she scolds herself. “ _You took the best thing in your life and destroyed it for the job. You knew Morgan was wrong. Why did you let the badge interfere with your common sense? You’d be just as pissed as JJ if the roles were reversed and you know it. You deserve whatever happens_.”

As she feels the tears start to well up again, she takes a deep breath. She will not break down. She won’t. She closes her eyes and again pictures putting all the emotions away.

“ _Shove it away, Prentiss. Stow it in a box and forget it_.” She repeats the mantra over and over to herself until the tears no longer threaten. When she opens her eyes she stares out the plane window at the night sky, trying to ignore the memories that flash through her mind like a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback deals with episode 2:10 Lessons Learned


	3. Chapter 3

JJ glances at the clock. If all goes well Emily will have made it home, packed, and left again by now. She gathers her things together to go home. When she opens her office door she finds Garcia leaning against the wall across from her office. JJ shakes her head warningly.

“Don’t start, Garcia.”

“Jayje, they all know they screwed up. Talk to them. Especially Emily,” Garcia begs.

“Garcia, if they basically told you that you were worthless as anything more than a pretty face in front of the camera how would you feel? If they completely ignored your skills and training and didn’t trust you anymore, would you be so quick to forgive? I’m not some pretty little thing they have to tuck into a closet to protect.”

“That’s not what they meant!”

“But it’s what they  _did_. It’s like I don’t know them anymore. And I’m not sure I want to know them right now. Excuse me, I have to get Henry.” JJ pushes past Garcia and heads for the elevator.

In the bullpen, Rossi, Reid and Morgan watch her go. She doesn’t even glance in their direction. In the elevator she runs through a few breathing exercises to calm herself before seeing Henry. He doesn’t need to sense her turmoil. She walks into the day care and smiles at Matilda.

“Hi, Matilda. Henry ready to go home?”

Matilda smiles. “Actually, Emily was here earlier and he begged her for a lullaby. He’s asleep in the crib now. I tell you, that woman’s bond with him is just amazing. They love each other so much.”

Matilda could have no idea the words are like a knife to JJ’s heart. The agent takes a breath to steady her voice. “I know.”

JJ heads over to the crib and looks down at her sleeping son. Her son that Emily sang to sleep. _Their_   son that they love wholly and completely. She strokes a hand down his back, remembering a talk about kids the two women had not long after Emily started at the BAU.

* * *

 

**When JJ heard Emily had offered to make a home for the Carrie after her family had been murdered the blonde felt her heart swelling with affection for the brunette. When she finds her on the plane she can see the disappointment in Emily’s eyes that she would not be offering the girl a home. JJ feels compelled to tell her the family is good people and that Carrie will be okay with them. But her next words surprise even JJ.**

**“I think it’s a good idea though. You. Kids. I can see it.”**

**Emily has a smile on her face as she stares out the window. JJ takes the time to observe her closely. Though the liaison is secretly seeing Will LaMontagne she suddenly wonders what it would be like to kiss Emily. JJ feels the blush creep across her face and hopes Emily doesn’t notice.**

**Any time children are involved in a case it is hard. When the next case involves a little girl nearly murdered by her aunt to protect the pedophilic uncle abusing the girl, JJ sees Emily nearly snap. As they return to the BAU that night, JJ stops Emily in the hallway.**

**“I could use a drink. And I’d like to buy you one to congratulate you on this case. You saved that little girl, Emily.”**

**Emily blushes and shakes her head. “It was a team effort.”**

**“You were the one that put together that the aunt worked at the mall and that she and her husband were hiding the truth about their relationship. Come on, I’ll buy.”**

**Emily sighs. “I really don’t feel like being around a bunch of people tonight. I’m not sure I can turn off ‘the profiler’ right now. I’ll be wondering what kind of unsub everyone is.”**

**JJ laughs. “Okay then, I’ll treat. I don’t live far. Follow me home.”**

**JJ thinks Emily is going to decline again but she finally nods. “Okay. Let me grab my bag.”**

**The two women arrive at JJ’s apartment 30 minutes later. While JJ gets her things put away Emily looks around the living room. She sees the family photos on the book shelf and moves closer to them. She sees JJ as a young girl with her parents, brother and sister. She sees pictures of a teenage JJ with her brother and parents. It doesn’t take a profiler to figure out why.**

**“No sister,” Emily murmurs. “Oh, JJ, I’m so sorry.”**

**One photo really grabs Emily’s attention and she picks it up to study it. JJ in a Pitt uniform, obviously in the middle of a soccer game. Her face is all fury and concentration. Her body is in motion, obviously breaking towards a ball out of the shot. The muscles in her legs are incredibly defined. The woman is gorgeous in this pic!**

**“That was my senior year,” JJ says from behind Emily.**

**Emily turns, smiling. “Remind me never to play against you. I’d be terrified.”**

**JJ laughs. “Yeah, I was a bit intense when I played. So, wine, beer or bourbon?”**

**“Wine’s fine or whatever you’re having,” Emily answers as she puts the picture back. Emily looks around at some of the other items in the room. Where Emily’s condo is more sterile JJ’s apartment is full of life. There are more personal touches and fewer show pieces. Emily loves it. It is as warm and inviting as the liaison herself.**

**JJ comes back with a glass of white wine for each of them and they move to the couch. As they sit down JJ smiles at Emily.**

**“Okay, tell me about yourself.”**

**Emily gives her a quirky grin. “Well, I’m 5’8”, brunette, brown-eyes, I like—”**

**“Okay, smartass, I meant tell me something I didn’t know,” JJ laughs.**

**Emily relaxes back against the couch. “Well, I really like your apartment. What I’ve seen at least. It’s really…homey. It’s what I always imagined having yet still haven’t managed yet.”**

**JJ frowns. “Why not?”**

**Emily shrugs. “I grew up in Embassy housing. Very few things were ours. They are like mini-museums. I never really learned how to do this whole…lived in thing.”**

**JJ looks around. Her home was very much like her parents home. She tries to imagine it without pieces of her family scattered about and can’t. Emily’s next words startle JJ.**

**“I’m sorry about your sister,” she says softly.**

**JJ’s head snaps around to glare at Emily. “Who the hell told you?”**

**Emily looks down, ashamed. “Your pictures. She looks about 15 when she stops appearing in them.” Emily looks back up. “I can tell she was loved very much.”**

**JJ has tears in her eyes. She turns away and takes a long gulp of wine. Her voice is choked when she speaks. “She _was_  loved. That’s what made it so much harder.”**

**Emily stares at her friend a moment. When the meaning of those words hit her, she reaches out and takes JJ’s hand. “Oh, God, Jennifer. I’m so sorry. Suicide is…there’s just no way to heal that kind of scar. I’m so, so sorry.”**

**JJ had stared at the hand covering hers. It felt good. And no one at the FBI calls her “Jennifer” but for some reason hearing this profiler say it in such a heartfelt way seems right. JJ looks up into Emily’s eyes, seeing compassion, not pity. JJ forces a smile.**

**“Thank you.” The two women stare into each other’s eyes. Once again JJ is overwhelmed with the question of what it would be like to kiss Emily Prentiss. JJ finally looks away and stands. “Refill?”**

**“Uh, sure,” Emily replies. She had felt a connection with the woman a moment before. And it terrifies her. She finishes off her own glass of wine as JJ heads into the kitchen for the bottle.**

**When JJ returns she appears more composed. She tops off Emily’s glass and sets the bottle on the table. She pulls her legs up onto the couch, leaning against the arm of it so she can look right at Emily.**

**“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you stopped answering questions about yourself. Time to spill. Who is Emily Prentiss?” Emily goes to open her mouth but JJ sees the sparkle of mischief. She raises a finger. “And if you smart off again I’ll tickle you until you scream for mercy!”**

**Both women laugh, each surprised by the intimacy of JJ’s threat.**

**“Well, whatever shall I do?” Emily pretends to think. “Okay, I’ll be honest with you. What do you want to know?”**

**“Dating anyone? Divorced? Nun?”**

**Emily chuckles. “No. No. Hell no!” She takes a deep breath. She had never hidden her sexuality but she didn’t exactly broadcast it, either. “I’ve been single for a while now. Just haven’t found the right woman.”**

**She lets the statement hang a moment, refusing to look at JJ for fear of seeing disgust or disappointment. JJ reaches out and touches Emily’s arm.**

**“Emily, I’m bi. It’s okay.”**

**Emily looks up in surprise. “Really? You are?” JJ nods, grinning. “Oh. Okay then. I thought you might be okay with me being a lesbian but sometimes people surprise you. Rarely do I get surprised like this,” she explains with a grin.**

**The two women stare at each other, each wondering about this new development between them. Emily breaks eye contact and looks at her watch.**

**“Look, I should probably get going. I need a shower to wash off this case and I’m sure you’ll want to call your boyfriend.”**

**JJ’s eyes widen. “I, uh, what?”**

**“Aren’t you still dating that lawyer?”**

**JJ lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh, him. Nope. We broke up a while ago.” JJ would have sworn she saw a flicker of hope in Emily’s eyes. “Happily single at the moment.”**

**“Oh. Well, sorry, I guess. Or maybe not if you’re happy,” Emily hedges. The team was sure JJ was dating someone. Obviously they were wrong or it is someone she isn’t ready to share with them yet. Emily won’t push. And even if JJ is single, nothing can happen between them while they are on the same team. Emily stands. “Thanks for the drink and the talk. They really did help me get past this one.”**

**JJ gets up to walk Emily out. “No problem. Sometimes you just need to unwind. Maybe we can get Garcia for a ‘Girls Night Out’ soon.”**

**Emily laughs. “Garcia? Something tells me I couldn’t keep up with her.”**

**JJ laughs. “True. But it’s always fun trying.”**

**As they reach the door the women lock eyes for a moment. Emily looks away first. “Well, goodnight, JJ.”**

**“Night, Emily.”**

**As JJ closes the door behind the profiler she leans against it. Why is she having thoughts about kissing Emily? She is happy with Will, right? He’s a nice guy, respects her job, isn’t pressuring her for anything more than they have. So why does she want to kiss Emily…and so much more?**

* * *

 

JJ suddenly looks up and realizes she is in the parking garage at the condo. How the heck had she made the drive with absolutely no recollection of it? She glances in the rearview mirror at Henry. How could she have been so distracted that she could have gotten in an accident and hurt her son?

She knows how. Because her heart is bruised and her mind trying to figure out how to heal it. But it’s no excuse.

“Henry, baby, I am so sorry.” She leans her head against the steering wheel and cries. After 5 minutes she gathers herself and Henry and heads up to the condo. She drops her go bag in the hallway and stares at their home. When she first moved in it was filled with Emily’s art and other impersonal items. Now there were pictures of them, their families, the wedding, not to mention Henry’s toys. It was now a home. But was it there home anymore? She looks at Henry.

“What do you say we go to see Grandma and Grandpa this weekend? Does that sound like fun?” Henry giggles and claps. “Okay. Let’s get you fed and then we can go. Yeah, maybe things will look better after a visit with Grandma and Grandpa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references 3:4 Children of the Dark and 3:5 Seven Seconds


	4. Chapter 4

Emily drops her bag on the bed and hangs her suit bag in the closet. She’ll get it out Sunday to press if it needs it. Normally she’d be calling JJ now to tell her she made it safely. Emily stares at her phone. Finally she dials, praying JJ cares enough to answer. After 3 rings it goes to voicemail.

“Jen? Uh, just wanted you to know I made it to the hotel. If, uh, you need me, you can call. I love you, Jen. I want…I want us to work things out. Maybe when I get back we can talk? I…I’ll talk to you later.”

Emily disconnects and lays back on the bed. The only way JJ’s phone would go to voicemail after 3 rings is if JJ was out of range…or if she sent it there to avoid answering. As far as Emily knows, JJ is in the DC area which means she just didn’t want to talk to Emily.

“Please, Jen, please don’t erase the voicemail without listening to it. Please,” Emily prays.

Her mind travels to another time she thought JJ was going to ignore a call from the profiler.

* * *

 

**“JJ, please call me. I know you need to talk about this and I know you’d rather talk to me than the shrink.”**

**Emily stares at the phone in her hand and makes a decision. “Well, if the mountain won’t go to Mohammed…” she mutters aloud.**

**She gets in her car and drives south to JJ’s apartment. They had all been worried about JJ after she killed Battle. JJ had told them she would do it again to protect her family and they don’t doubt that. But Emily had killed before and regardless of the why of it, it damages you. She knocks on JJ’s door and waits. A minute later she pulls out her phone and calls JJ’s home number. When she hears the answering machine kick on she starts to speak.**

**“JJ, I’m outside your door and I’m not leaving. So either open the door or be responsible for me getting arrested for loitering. Your call.”**

**She waits a moment but finally hears shuffling footsteps coming towards the door. She hears the locks and safety chain unlatch. When JJ opens the door she has a smile plastered to her face but it is obvious she has been crying. Emily’s head tilts to the side compassionately.**

**“Oh, Jennifer.”**

**And that is all JJ needs to once again burst into tears. Emily steps inside and pulls the woman close, whispering words of encouragement.**

**“It’s okay, Jennifer. It hurts now but it will get better. I promise.”**

**Emily pushes the door shut with her foot, one hand reaching back to lock the deadbolt. She then guides Jennifer to the living room couch. They sit, never breaking their embrace. After a few minutes, JJ leans back enough to look up at Emily.**

**“Why the hell do I care so much? He shot my best friend! I should hate him and be glad he’s gone; glad that I’m the one that killed him. Right? Is it because he was a cop and I figure that maybe, at some point, he was a good guy?”**

**Emily fights the urge to kiss JJ’s temple. “You took a life, JJ. It doesn’t matter why or who. You’re a good person and good people hate killing.”**

**“Is it really that simple?”**

**Emily nods. “Yes.”**

**A few minutes later, JJ pulls away. “Thank you for chasing me down.**

**Emily smiles and moves a lock of hair off JJ’s forehead. “No problem. I know you’d do the same for me.”**

**JJ tucks her head back down on Emily’s shoulder. This feels so right to Emily. Doesn’t it feel right to JJ? Can’t the blonde woman tell they should be together like this? JJ’s phone starts to ring. Emily’s eyes rise at the ring tone: “When the Saints Go Marching In.” The team had wondered who was putting a spring in JJ’s step on Mondays. Now Emily is sure she knows. And it’s definitely not her.**

**“I, uh, gotta get this. Be right back,” JJ mumbles.**

**She takes the phone and walks away, answering as she goes. Emily drops her head back onto the couch. She wasn’t needed here any longer. JJ could talk this out with Will, for that is certainly who is on the phone. Emily pulls out her own phone and scrolls down to the number of a woman she’d been seeing casually for a few weeks. Before she can change her mind, she hits dial.**

**“Hey, Emily,” a chirpy voice answers.**

**Emily smiles. “Hi, Nita, I know it’s late but are you busy tonight?”**

**“Not too busy for my favorite FBI agent. Luckily I’m on nights at the hospital right now so my ‘day’ is just beginning even though it’s my day off. Got to keep to a schedule, you know?”**

**Emily chuckles. “Yeah, I know. Mind if I stop by in a little while?”**

**“Come on over. The sooner the better: I need an excuse to skip doing laundry.”**

**Emily laughs outright. “I hate being such a bad influence. See you in an hour or so.”**

**“I’m counting the minutes,” Nita replies before disconnecting.**

**As Emily stares at the phone in her hand she is startled by a voice behind her. “You’re…you’re leaving?”**

**Emily turns and sees JJ standing there. “Um, I thought…I figured who you were talking to would, you know, want to help you through this,” Emily stumbles.**

**“Oh. Um, yeah. I said I’d call…him back.”**

**Emily stands and moves to JJ. “If you need me to stay I will. I just don’t want to intrude on your private life.”**

**JJ forces a smile to her face. “No it’s okay. You can go. He’ll be glad I called him back. He wants to help.”**

**Emily smiles. “Good. You’ve seemed really happy lately. I hope that’s because of him.”**

**JJ slowly nods. “It is. Really.”**

**Emily is not sure who JJ is trying to convince. But Emily won’t be the reason JJ’s relationship breaks up.**

**“Well, I should get going.”**

**“Yeah. Okay.” JJ pauses a moment. “Who is she?”**

**Emily smiles. “Her name is Nita. She’s a trauma nurse at GW Hospital.”**

**JJ jabs Emily’s arm. “The way this team gets hurt she might be handy to keep around.”**

**Emily laughs and nods. “True.” Brown-eyes lock with blue. Emily nearly loses herself and leans in to kiss the owner of those glorious eyes. She finally blinks and looks away. “Um, if you need me, call. Okay?”**

**JJ seems to snap out of a trance. “Right. Call. Sure. Have fun playing nurse and naughty cop tonight,” JJ jokes.**

**Emily blushes. “You’re incorrigible, you know that, right?”**

**JJ laughs and walks her friend to the door. They share another hug and Emily leaves. Once she gets out of sight of JJ’s door, Emily leans against the wall.**

**“What the hell are you doing, Prentiss? You work with her. You respect her. You don’t do the kind of relationships JJ wants. Stop torturing yourself,” Emily chides herself. She takes a deep breath and continues on, heading to a woman who also doesn’t do committed relationships. It was just better that way.**

* * *

 

But it wasn’t better that way, was it. Emily had learned to open her heart, had learned to commit her spirit, had learned what true love really is. And now her reason for living and loving was gone.

Wasn’t she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references episode 3:9 Penelope


	5. Chapter 5

Sandy opens the door when she hears the SUV pull into the driveway. She and Alan had been scared something had happened to Emily when JJ called so upset. All JJ would say is Emily is fine and she just needed to get out of town. Sandy frowns and looks over her shoulder.

“Emily isn’t with her, Alan. Something’s wrong. Bad wrong.”

The Jareau’s go out to help JJ get Henry and their luggage in. They can tell their daughter has been crying. Sandy takes her by the shoulders.

“Jenny, where’s Emily?”

“Montana,” JJ chokes out before bursting into tears again. “God, how many more tears do I have in my fucking body?” she groans.

“I’ve got, Henry. We can get the luggage in later,” Alan states. “Let’s go inside and you can tell us what’s going on, Jen.”

JJ nods and allows her mother to lead her inside. While Alan puts the sleeping Henry in the rec room playpen, JJ sits at the table with her mother.

“Have you eaten, honey?” Sandy asks. When JJ shakes her head no her mother pulls out the makings for a ham and cheese sandwich. She pulls a Coke out of the fridge and sets it in front of JJ.

“I’d really rather have a beer,” JJ whispers.

Sandy smiles and makes the swap. JJ pops open the Bud Light and takes a long drink. As Sandy places the plate in front of JJ, the Jareau’s sit down and face their daughter.

“Emily?” her father prompts.

JJ sits back in her seat. “She’s not hurt. But she and Morgan hurt me. They didn’t trust me. They disrespected my abilities. They made me feel like I’m just a paperweight to them. I am so fucking angry with them. Especially Emily. I never thought she’d make me feel this way. Like I didn’t matter.”

“So this was on a case?” Sandy confirms.

“Yeah,” JJ picks at her sandwich a bit but finally pushes back from the table. “I just can’t talk about this right now. I’m sorry. Let me grab Henry and I think I’ll just go to bed.”

Sandy takes JJ’s hand. “Go shower and head to bed, honey. We’ll take care of Henry. He’s asleep already anyway.”

JJ just nods and heads upstairs. The Jareau’s exchange a look. They really want to believe that Emily wouldn’t intentionally hurt JJ. They pray it’s just a misunderstanding.

In the shower, JJ’s mind flashes to a moment that Emily had really surprised her.

* * *

 

**JJ stares as Will LaMontagne walks towards the team. She sees Emily cut her eyes at JJ and then away. JJ stiffens. Could she know? Blurting out that the team knows Will “professionally” is practically a klaxon in JJ’s mind.**

**The more Will learns about his friend the more he wants to reach out to JJ. The more he reaches the more she pulls away. When he finally leaves her at the police station entrance, JJ feels her heart break. He’s a good guy. He treats her right. So why is she so determined not to have a real relationship with him? When she walks into the precinct she runs into Emily.**

**“Hey, Jayje, I thought you left?”**

**“I, uh, had a thought I wanted to run by Hotch,” JJ says, looking at the ground.**

**Emily reaches out to take JJ’s hand. “Are you okay? You look upset?”**

**“I’m fine. Just…end of a relationship stuff,” JJ concedes.**

**“Oh, yeah, the job can be rough on relationships. If you need a shoulder, I’m here for you.”**

**“Thanks. I, um, better go catch Hotch.” Emily nods as JJ hurries away.**

**And when the case breaks, Emily pushes JJ towards Will. Had JJ really looked at Emily, she would have seen how difficult it was for the brunette to do so. JJ kisses Will deeply. He is a great kisser. There is a spark. But is there a flame? Maybe the flame will come. She heads back to the hotel with him and they spend the night affirming their love. Promising to make everything work.**

**And then she finds out she is pregnant. Staring at the letter from the doctor’s office JJ suddenly knows she has made a terrible mistake. Will is not her soul mate, though he feels JJ is his. When he shows up in New York JJ is stunned and blurts out about her pregnancy before she can stop herself. This time she sees the devastation flash through Emily’s eyes before the walls go back up.**

**But when an SUV explodes, JJ knows exactly who she is meant to be with. It’s not the sweet detective from New Orleans. It’s the stoic, dark FBI agent. She knows because in the time between finding out it was one of their vehicles that had blown up and the time she finally lays eyes on Emily, JJ’s world feels like it’s collapsing.**

**It is that moment when she knows she is in love with Emily Prentiss.**

* * *

 

JJ suddenly notices the water has gotten very cold. She quickly turns off the water and steps out of the shower. Changing into her pajamas she heads to Henry’s room to check on him. She smiles as she sees his eyes open.

“Hey, Little Man. Shouldn’t you be asleep right now?” He waves his hands at her. “She picks him up and cuddles him close. “I’ve missed you. How about you sleep with Mommy tonight? Mommy needs you.” He pulls at her lip and her eyes fill with tears. “Sorry, Henry, but Mama’s not here to sing you to sleep. We’re not exactly speaking right now because…because of work stuff. Hopefully…maybe she’ll be able to sing to you soon.”

Downstairs, Alan and Sandy exchange a look. They had heard everything through the baby monitor. Alan stands and grabs the phone. He hits speed dial 3, which is Emily’s cell phone. The call goes straight to voicemail.

“Emily, when you get this, please give me a call. Jenny’s here and she’s upset. I just…I want to know what happened. We love you, Emily.”

He disconnects and sits back down, taking his wife’s hand. What was going on between this formerly happy couple?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashbacks reference 3:17 In Heat, 3:20 Lo Fi and 4:1 Mayhem


	6. Chapter 6

Emily had fallen asleep on the bed still in her clothes. Luckily she had arranged for a wake-up call since she never set her alarm. She gets showered and dressed for her appointment with the prosecutors. She grabs her phone and sees it’s pointless to take it: the battery is dead.

“Shit.”

Emily pulls out her charger and plugs it in. She’ll just have to deal with it later. She grabs her briefcase and heads down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. This will give her time to review the case file. As she gazes outside the front doors she stops in her tracks. After a moment she slowly approaches the front doors. Snow is falling heavily, the ground covered with about 2 inches of white powder. She walks over to the front desk.

“Do you think the roads will be okay with the snow?”

The clerk smiles at her. “Ma’am, snow isn’t a problem until it gets up past 2 feet.”

Emily chuckles. “Ah, right. Montana. So you don’t think my appointment would be cancelled?”

“Doubt it. I mean, you can call and check but I seriously doubt it.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

She heads to breakfast, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to get out and drive a bit even if the meeting did get cancelled. She orders her breakfast and pulls out the report she had written for this case. As she reads about the abduction and murder of two blonde-haired, blue-eyed women her heart jumps.

“ _Oh, yeah, that’s why my subconscious told me not to read this yet_ ,” she says to herself.

Regardless of the similarities to JJ, she starts to read anyway. Turns out her profile had been spot on and they had caught the unsub before he could take a third victim. Of course now the defense was saying her profile was illegal and the science behind it unfounded. She knew it was a desperate attempt to keep the death penalty from applying to their client but it was still irritating.

She has read the police reports and the profile she had written. She flips the last page and the death photo of the second girl smacks her in the face. The girls’ now cloudy eyes are wide-open, her face frozen in a mask of fear at the instant of her death. Emily slams the folder shut as a memory crashes to the surface.

* * *

 

**Emily hears that an official SUV has been blown up outside the Federal Building. She tries to call JJ but she just keeps getting a busy signal.**

**“God DAMN it!” She screams, slamming her hand into the steering wheel.**

**She is relieved when the phone finally rings on its own. She sighs in relief to hear Garcia, Morgan, Reid and Rossi are okay. But what about JJ and Hotch? When the cell system crashes she throws her Bluetooth onto the seat beside her.**

**“Please be okay, JJ. Please. I don’t know what I’d do if…please just be okay,” she prays over and over until she arrives at the federal building. She wishes she had helped Will convince JJ to sit this case out. Then at least she would know the liaison is safe.**

**When Emily sees Reid and Rossi she scans the room for JJ. When she hears JJ call her from behind it is all she can do to keep from pulling JJ into her arms and kissing her, professing her love to her. Somehow her childhood training kicks in and she finds herself asking about Will instead.**

**And then things start to move quickly. Emily can only worry about stopping the terrorists threatening the city. It is on the flight home that she watches JJ, tracing every line of her face, her hands, her body with her eyes. JJ is unusually quiet. Heck, they all are. They had lost one agent and nearly lost their chief.**

**When they land, Emily can’t help herself. She looks at JJ.**

**“I know you can’t drink but I know you want one. I do, too. How about dinner instead?”**

**JJ looks at Emily and smiles. “I’d like that. I don’t really want to be alone right now.”**

**Emily had followed JJ home, then the blonde had gotten in Emily’s car as she drove them to a local Italian restaurant. Emily finally breaks the silence.**

**“So, is it true Will is moving up here?”**

**JJ smiles. “Yeah. He’s making arrangements now.” She rubs her stomach. “We’re going to be a family I guess.”**

**Emily forces a smile. “I’m happy for you.”**

**JJ sighs. “Yeah. Thanks.”**

**Emily slides a look at JJ. “Jayje, are you okay?”**

**“I think so. It’s just…a lot. I guess it goes without saying this wasn’t exactly planned.” Emily just smiles as JJ chuckles. “But I am so excited to be a mother. I would have done this alone if I had to but I guess it’s good Will is standing up.”**

**Emily reaches over and takes JJ’s hand. “If he hadn’t, you wouldn’t have done this alone.” Suddenly Emily realizes how intimate that sounds. She covers quickly. “You’d have had 4 husbands and 2 wives at your beck and call for the entire pregnancy.”**

**JJ laughs, picturing the team in her head. “Yeah, I would have. But it’s for the best that Will is the one here, right? I mean, he is the Daddy.”**

**“Yeah, he is. And he’s a good man so he’ll make a good father,” Emily says honestly. “You’ve got a lucky little bun in your oven.”**

**JJ wrinkles her nose. “Ew! I’ve always hated that term ‘bun in the oven’. Makes me feel like a cast iron stove or something.”**

**Emily chuckles. “Yeah, I can see what you mean. But it’s nicer than saying you’re knocked up by a baby daddy, right?”**

**The two women laugh, the tension of the New York case leaving them. They enjoy a nice dinner together, laughing and talking about crazy baby names and strange outfits they have seen children wearing. To anyone watching it would seem they are planning their future together. Towards the end of the meal Emily’s phone rings. She sees the name “Carla” on the screen. She winces and sends it to voicemail but not before JJ sees.**

**“Who’s Carla?” JJ asks teasingly.**

**“You know her. In accounting.”**

**JJ eyes widen. “Oh, really? What happened to ‘I don’t date people I work with’?” she kids.**

**Emily shrugs. “Technically I don’t work _with_ her. We just happen to work for the same company in the same building. She doesn’t even see my expense reports so, it’s okay. Right?”**

**JJ studies Emily. It seems as if she really does need an answer. Of course, the day Emily had told JJ she doesn’t date co-workers JJ’s heart had broken. JJ smiles at Emily.**

**“I think it’s fine. Personally, I don’t understand what the big deal is about dating co-workers anyway. If you’re adults and act as such it should be fine.”**

**“But unfortunately not everyone can act adult. Some can’t get past 7th grade.”**

**JJ laughs. “True. Well, good luck with Carla. Maybe you’ll get knocked up by her and we can be pregnant together,” she adds with a wink.**

**Emily bursts into a fresh round of laughter. “If you really think that’s possible, Jennifer, I can see how you would have had problems predicting your own pregnancy.”**

**The women finally finish their meal and Emily drives JJ home. Emily insists on walking JJ in and carrying the woman’s go bag. As they get to JJ’s door, the blonde turns and stares up at the brunette.**

**“Thank you for dinner. And for the talk. It really has helped me relax.”**

**“No problem. I feel better now, too,” Emily admits.**

**The two women stare at each other. Emily sees as JJ’s eyes darken with desire and knows hers are turning nearly black. Just before they cross a line they shouldn’t, Emily’s phone rings again. She steps away from JJ.**

**“Uh, it’s Carla. I should…take it.”**

**JJ nods. “Right. Carla. So, um, goodnight.”**

**JJ races into her apartment. Emily stares at the closed door a moment then answers the phone.**

**“Hey, Carla.” She listens. “No, really, I’m okay. But I am beat. I’m just getting home and think I may sleep the next 24 hours.” She listens and smiles. “Sure, I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.”**

**She disconnects and heads down the hallway though she really wants to knock on JJ’s door and tell the woman how she really feels.**

* * *

 

Emily presses her palms into her eyes. She had to stop these excursions down memory lane. They were going to affect her job. She signs her breakfast bill and leaves a nice tip on the table. Grabbing her briefcase she heads out into the storm, which has nothing on the storm in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references 3:20 Lo Fi and 4:1 Mayhem


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Sandy insists on feeding Henry so JJ can go join her father for coffee on the porch. JJ carries 2 steaming mugs out and hands one to her father.

“Thought you might need a refill by now and this is just easier,” she says with a smile.

“Thanks, Jenny. Did you sleep well?” He can see the bags under her eyes so he knows the answer.

“Not really.”

She sits down beside him on the porch swing and sips her coffee. He gives her a couple of minutes then wraps his arm around her shoulder.

“What exactly happened, Jenny?”

“She didn’t trust me, Dad,” she leans into his hug. “The team knew the unsub may focus on me but didn’t tell me. Why would they keep something like that from me? Why wouldn’t she tell me the truth?”

“Was there a reason she didn’t say anything?”

“Obviously because she forgot I am an FBI agent with the same damn training as she has.”

“So, she wasn’t ordered not to tell you?”

“It doesn’t MATTER! Jesus, Dad, I’m her  _wife_. That should mean more than an order!”

Alan looks at JJ for a moment. He slowly shakes his head. “That’s not fair to Emily, Jenny. Nor is it fair to your teammates.”

“What the hell does that mean? Are you siding with them over me?”

He slowly nods. “In this instance yes.” He raises a hand to stop JJ’s rant. “You can’t have it both ways. You both swore to your superiors, and demonstrated to your superiors, that being a couple would not affect the dynamics of the team. Now you’re saying Emily should have disobeyed an order because you are a couple. How is that fair to anyone? It seems a bit selfish to me. And, in all honesty, it seems like you are wrong, Jenny.”

JJ stares at her father. She wants to go off on him, chew him out for daring to side with Emily and the team. The problem is…he’s right. And she hates that. Hates that because it means she has been a real jerk to everyone. Maybe they were wrong for not telling her but she was wrong for holding it against Emily.

“I hate when you’re right, Daddy,” she admits quietly.

“I know you do, sweetheart. I think this is something you’ve known in your heart but your mind just wouldn’t admit to.”

JJ wipes away the tears from her cheeks. “What if…what if I’ve lost her because I’ve been so terrible?”

He smiles and kisses her forehead. “Sweetheart, if there is one thing I know it’s that Emily Prentiss loves you completely and unconditionally. She’s going to be hurt by this but she hasn’t stopped loving you.”

“God, I hope you’re right. She built up all her compartments again. It took me forever to knock them down but no time at all for her rebuild them. How do I convince her to risk letting them down again?”

“I think you know what you have to do.” She looks at him in confusion. “Throw yourself at her mercy.”

She manages a weak smile. “Yeah, I know I can try that. I don’t know what I’ll do if that doesn’t work. I love her so much, Daddy.”

“The ones we love are the ones with the most power to hurt us. It’s just up to us to decide how much hurt they are worth. Is she worth the pain of rejection if she doesn’t forgive you?”

* * *

 

**JJ enters the basement. The first thing she sees is Emily sitting on the steps, her head down. As she reaches the brunette, Emily’s head rises and JJ sees the blood.**

**“Are you okay?”**

**“I’m fine.”**

**“I’ll call an ambulance.”**

**JJ turns to go but Emily hangs on to her arm. JJ stops, liking the feel of the strong woman needing her but hating the pain she can see in her eyes.**

**“I need out of here, Jayje.”**

**“Of course,” JJ agrees. She helps Emily stand, pulling the taller woman’s arm over her shoulder and wrapping her own arm around her waist for support. They carefully climb the steps and leave the house full of boxed up hearts. JJ shudders, thinking how close the school nurse had come to adding to the collection.**

**“Here, sit down while I call for the ambulance.”**

**Emily just grunts an answer before sitting down on the curb, her head cradled in her hands. Chief Straus hurries over.**

**“What the hell happened in there?”**

**Emily groans at the noise of the chief. JJ steps between them.**

**“Ma’am, she got hit with a 2x4. Yelling is not helping her,” JJ reprimands her boss. After having already been cautioned about this once on the case JJ figures she has a suspension coming. But helping Emily is worth it.**

* * *

 

“She’s worth everything to me. I have to win her back, Dad. I have to.”

He smiles. “That’s my Sports Star. Always looking to win the big game.”

JJ smiles. “Yeah. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references 3:2 In Name and Blood


	8. Chapter 8

Emily spends the morning with the prosecutors explaining the science behind her profile. They have already pulled many examples of cases where profiling has been used to find and convict criminals. To hear the handsome woman explain it clearly and succinctly convinces them the defense will not be able to debunk her profile.

“Agent Prentiss, I really want to thank you for helping us with this. Both the case and the trial. This sick bastard deserves the death penalty but I’ll settle for life in prison,” the D.A. tells her.

“I’m glad I could help. You are aware I have to meet with his defense attorneys tomorrow, right?”

The attorney grunts. “Yes. I warn you now, the jerk’s lawyer uses about a bottle of cologne a day. A cheap bottle at that.”

Emily draws her face back in a scowl. “Ugh. Thanks for the warning. Makes me wish I was having the breathing problems my…” she catches herself “…my friend is having.”

The man laughs and walks Emily to the door. She sees another 3 inches of snow has fallen. She is glad she upgraded her rental car to a Ford Explorer.

“Drive safely, Agent Prentiss. We’ll give you a call if this storm is going to delay the trial.”

“Thanks. See you Monday. I hope.”

She heads out and gets into her vehicle. She really doesn’t want to go back to the hotel. She sees the roads aren’t too bad so she decides to take a drive around Billings. She had never been here before so it would be nice to see the city. She sees it is bigger than Great Falls and could almost be any other city.

But then she finds herself on the road out of town. Even through the snow she can see the mountains in the distance. Great fields stretch out on either side of the road. It is truly gorgeous. She decides to drive north to Round Up and then circle back. Driving had always seemed to center her. Maybe because when she was driving she was in charge of her own destiny, something she had never quite felt in her younger years.

She is midway between the two cities when she hits a hidden pothole. It rattles her teeth and blows her left front tire. She barely maintains control of the vehicle as it fishtails wildly on the snowy road. As she gets to the side of the road she lets out the breath she had been holding. After gathering her thoughts she reaches for her phone.

“Shit,” she mutters as she remembers it is in the hotel charging. “Brilliant, Agent Prentiss. You always wanted to end up in a Lifetime movie. You’ll be the woman who dies in a storm because you’re too foolish to remember your phone.”

Pulling on her lambskin gloves she hops out of the vehicle and searches for the jack and spare tire. The jack is right where it should be. The spare tire well is empty.

“Son of a bitch! Hertz is going to get a piece of my mind.”

She climbs back into the Explorer and sits for a minute. She knows better than to try to walk to either Billings or Round Up. She pulls out her laptop, thinking she could maybe send an email to AAA for help. But her AirCard will not connect.

“Well, shit, my phone wouldn’t have been any better,” she notes.

She leans the seat back, knowing she can do nothing but wait for someone to drive by and check on her. She hopes her car battery holds out as she listens to the click-click-click of the hazard lights. She closes her eyes, remembering another time she’d had to wait for rescue.

* * *

 

**Emily can’t stop the cry of pain as Benjamin Cyrus drags her by the hair from the room. She prays that JJ is not listening to the microphone receivers. She prays JJ doesn’t know that Cyrus has discovered an FBI agent in his compound. Emily knows nothing good is about to happen and she reminds herself Cyrus is a pedophile; he doesn’t rape adults. Of course, she doesn’t know the predilections of his most loyal followers.**

**The first hit wasn’t so bad. But when he slammed her into the mirror and then into the wall she had stopped trying to listen to him. Instead she had fought to get the message to the others. It had to be short and to the point.**

**“I can take it.”**

**The more she had said it the angrier Cyrus had gotten. She had been surprised when he slammed her to the ground and walked away. She tries to get her message out once more but just can’t form the words. Two men drag her out of the storeroom and upstairs. She can’t even get her feet under her. They slam her onto a bed, binding her hands behind her.**

**“Please, God, if you still listen to me, please protect Reid. And please, God, don’t let Jennifer hear what’s going on in here. Please,” she prays.**

**Emily is not sure how long she lies drifting in and out of consciousness in the room. Her hands are numb but she can feel the cool water on her face. The woman treating her is one of the diehard followers. But her voice sounds familiar even to Emily’s hazy mind. Once she leaves, Emily struggles to sit up, to ease the pressure on her arms and hands. Her head is throbbing. She starts making promises.**

**“Mother, if I get out of this alive I will reach out to you. I will try to mend our relationship. I promise. Reid, I will make sure you know this is _not_   your fault. It is my choice and I’d do it again. How could you know I’ve been through worse?”**

**She sighs as another face floats through her mind. Golden hair and eyes bluer than the Hope diamond make Emily sigh in contentment.**

**“Jennifer, if I make it out of here I’ll tell you…” She slowly shakes her head. “No, I won’t. Your life is with Will. If I make it out of here I’ll still be your friend. I’ll be there for you and Will and the baby. I won’t risk losing your friendship by admitting how I feel about you. Because I do love you, Jennifer. With all my heart. I love you so much.”**

* * *

 

Emily punches the steering wheel. “Why the  _fuck_   won’t my compartments stay shut? JJ didn’t accept my apology. She made it clear we’re done. Why can’t I just bury all this pain?”

She leans her head against the steering wheel, letting the tears fall unfettered. She finally leans back and answers her own question.

“Because I love her. I love her and I will fight with all I have to get her back. I swear to you, Jennifer, if I have to resign to prove that you are more important than the job I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references episode 4:3 Minimal Loss


	9. Chapter 9

“Jayje, if you’re calling because we have a case I’m going to be really upset,” Garcia states while holding Kevin’s questing mouth away from her neck.

JJ is pacing the front porch nervously. “No case. Not exactly. I just need help. I’ve been trying to reach Emily but her phone just keeps going to voice mail. I even emailed her but still nothing. Can you do a ‘thing’ and track her signal?”

Garcia is thrilled to hear JJ is reaching out to Emily. She shoves Kevin away so hard he falls off the couch with a yell. JJ frowns.

“What was that noise?”

“Just Kevin,” Garcia says as she pulls her computer onto her lap. “Okay, let’s pull up this program and see that Emily is…no where.” She frowns and hits a few keys. She gets a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Jayje, it looks like she turned her phone off about 3 a.m. local time.”

JJ drops down onto the porch steps. “No, she probably forgot to charge it and it died. It’s not the first time she’s forgotten that when we’ve had a…a spat.” She thinks a moment. “Do you know where she is staying?”

Garcia hits a few keys. “She’s staying at the Holiday Inn Billings. And before you ask, her AirCard hasn’t been used at all today.”

“I didn’t figure it had. She’s probably been in meetings all day with the prosecutors. I guess I’ll just leave a message for her at the front desk. Thanks, Garcia. And tell Kevin I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“No problem, JJ. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Pen.”

JJ next dials 411 and has it dial the hotel number automatically.

“Holiday Inn Billings.”

“Uh, hi, can you please connect me to the room of Emily Prentiss?”

“I can do that but you’ll get her voicemail. She left this morning and hasn’t returned yet,” the young man tells her.

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” JJ waits until the machine beeps and leaves her message. “Hey, baby. I see you forgot to charge your phone again. Or maybe you turned it off because I was too big a jerk to call you. Either way, please, give me a call. I need to talk to you, Emily. I love you. Please call me soon.”

Now all JJ can do is wait. Again.

* * *

 

**JJ is scanning the news headlines when the jerk at the front gate tells the world that there is an undercover FBI agent in the compound. JJ’s stress level had already been too high. At seeing this it is all she can do to keep from driving to the media corral and beating the man senseless. She can barely make herself stand to let the team know what is happening.**

**“You have to see this,” she tells the team.**

**As Hotch, Morgan and Rossi gather in a tight circle to listen to the receivers she stands farther away from them. Every blow Emily takes, every grunt or groan she makes is like a nail in JJ’s heart. How had she not told this woman how much she loves her?**

**When Rossi stops Hotch from busting in, JJ is ready to attack Rossi. The only thing that stops her is knowing that Emily would definitely be killed in the crossfire. In fact, she would probably be sacrificed immediately by Cyrus. JJ throws her earphones on the ground and walks away.**

**After this she would tell Emily. After this she will lay it all on the line. She was in love with Emily Prentiss and it was time she did something about it. It was time to take a leap of faith.**

**And when they got back to D.C., JJ did just that.**

* * *

 

And now she has thrown it away over a temper tantrum. Sure she was mad and maybe she had a right to be. But her anger should have been with Morgan and only Morgan. He made the call, he gave the order. And when she returns to the BAU she would give him a piece of her mind and let him try to grovel his way back into her good graces.

But right now she just wills her phone to ring; prays for the screen to say “Prentiss.” When it does ring she nearly drops it as it startles her. The screen reads “Unknown Caller.” Maybe it’s the hotel line, she hopes.

“Jareau,” she answers.

JJ nearly dropkicks the phone…it’s a wrong number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one also references Minimal Loss


	10. Chapter 10

Six hours. Six. Fucking. Hours. How the hell can you sit by the side of a road for six fucking hours and not see a damn vehicle?

It is now 4 p.m. and the snow has not let up. Emily has to make a decision: walk back to Billings or stay in the vehicle as the temperature plummets. She taps the steering wheel for a moment, then checks one more thing. She gets out and looks down at the flat tire. She could drive the Explorer as long as possible before abandoning it. That would get her at least somewhat closer to Billings before she had to leave the heat of the interior.

She kicks the accumulated snow away from the tires for a few feet to give her room to get going. She gets in and says a quick prayer as she turns the key. The speedometer barely registers she is driving so slowly, her hazard lights still blinking to make sure she doesn’t get rammed from behind.

She gets about 10 miles back towards Billings before the wheel locks up completely. The Explorer is done. Emily looks at her computer and tries the AirCard once more. Still no luck. She pulls it onto her lap and types out a message on it:

_My name is Emily Prentiss. I am walking towards Billings starting at 4:22 p.m. I am staying at the Holiday Inn. Please contact Jennifer Prentiss at 703-555-7299 and let her know what has happened._

She thinks a moment, then opens another document. She knows she has to get moving soon so she has to be brief.

_Jennifer,_   
_I never stopped loving you. I love you and Henry so much. I’m sorry for everything. I should never have chosen the job over you. Te amo, Jennifer. Te amo._   
_Emily_

She saves the file under the name “Jennifer” and sets it in the center of her desktop. She sets the computer to sleep mode and uses her lipstick to write the unlock code on the steering wheel for whoever finds the vehicle.

Taking a deep breath, she steps out into the storm. As she walks she slips into her memories again, preferring those to the desolate reality in front of her.

* * *

 

**“So, Garcia tells me I have some competition for your love and affection,” JJ teases.**

**Emily groans. “Please tell me she didn’t mention Viper.”**

**JJ laughs at the look on Emily’s face. “Oh, yeah, she did. So, when you met him on his turf, did he have you doing things for him? Or to him?”**

**“I’m gonna kill Garcia.” Emily flops down on the bed beside JJ. “I hope you know that you are the only one who could make me do ‘things’ like he was imagining.”**

**JJ leans over and kisses Emily. “I’d like to think I am.”**

**Emily entwines her fingers with JJ’s. “No need to think, Jennifer. You’re the only one in the world for me. I swear.” She brings the hands up and kisses each of JJ’s fingers.**

**Before JJ can respond, infant Henry begins to fuss. Emily looks towards the bassinet excitedly.**

**“Can I get him for you?”**

**JJ nods. “Of course.”**

**Emily stands and makes her way over to their son. She stares down at the tiny little baby. He looks so fragile Emily is almost scared to pick him up. JJ reads her lover’s mind.**

**“You won’t break him, Em.”**

**“Yeah. Right. Okay.”**

**Emily gently lifts him up. He immediately stops crying, his eyes trying to focus on Emily. She smiles at him.**

**“Do you recognize me, Champ? Or do you just see that I’ve got what Mommy’s got? Sorry to disappoint but there are some things I can’t do for you that Mommy can. But I promise to do everything for you that I can, okay?” She looks at JJ. “He says okay.”**

**JJ chuckles, touched by how much Emily loves Henry. “Of course he does.”**

**Emily carefully hands Henry off and crawls back on the bed. JJ gets Henry settled and he hungrily nurses.**

**“Geez, Jen, did you feed him while I was gone or what?”**

**JJ smiles, stroking his downy hair. “Once or twice. Don’t want him getting too big too fast.”**

**Emily laughs. “Of course not.”**

**The two women sit there with their son, content to just be a family for a while. When Henry finishes his dinner Emily takes him to burp him so JJ can get situated. Emily is patting him on the back and he gives a LOUD burp. The women laugh and look at each other.**

**“He’s _your_  son!” they say simultaneously then start giggling.**

**Emily eases Henry off her shoulder and cradles him. With her free hand she straightens out his jumper a bit. His little hand grabs her finger, holding it tightly. Her heart melts. From out of nowhere a memory surfaces and she begins to sing an Italian lullaby.**

**JJ stares at the two loves of her life. She may not have planned to have a family now or this way but she knows she has found perfection. When Emily finishes singing, Henry is fast asleep. JJ runs a hand down Emily’s cheek.**

**“What was that song?”**

**“A lullaby my nanny used to sing me. It’s Italian. I didn’t even know I still remembered it.”**

**“It was beautiful.”**

**Emily tears her eyes from Henry and looks up at JJ. “So are you and Henry. I love you both so much, Jen.”**

**The two share a gentle kiss, content for now to just watch Henry sleep in Emily’s arms.**

* * *

 

Emily is pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of a motor. She looks out into the blowing snow and sees a police SUV inching its way towards her. She starts to wave her arms, hoping to get his attention. As she hears him start to slow she nearly cries in relief.

He pushes open his passenger door. “Either you are one crazy extreme athlete or you’re Emily Prentiss,” the trooper says.

She slams the door, holding her hands close to the heating vents. “Pre—Prentiss,” she stutters, nearly frozen.

“Good to know. I wasn’t looking forward to calling Jennifer Prentiss and telling her what I had found,” he says as he starts to move again towards Billings.

Emily just nods, understanding how hard it is to notify loved ones of bad news. When he drops her off at the hotel he gives her back her computer and says he’ll let the rental car agency know where they can find the Explorer. She plans to call them herself as she also needs a new vehicle but she is too cold to point that out.

When she gets up to her room she doesn’t even notice the blinking message light. She jacks up the heat in the room to 90, pulls off her wet clothes, pulls on her sweats and climbs into bed. Sleep takes her immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references 4:9 52 Pickup


	11. Chapter 11

At 8 a.m. EST Sunday, JJ is nearly out of her mind with worry. She still hadn’t heard from Emily and she had seen on the Weather Channel that Billings was having a rather intense snow storm. Not quite a blizzard but not exactly just a passing powder, either.

“Dad, when she gets upset, she drives. If she drove in that in some damn government standard rental she could be…she might be…Shit I can’t even say it!” JJ groans.

“Jenny, do you really think Emily would have accepted a sedan knowing the weather up there? She would have upgraded to a 4-wheel drive SUV or truck. You and Henry mean too much to her for her to risk anything less,” Alan states definitively.

“You’re right. I…I’m going to call her at the hotel again.”

JJ steps outside and redials the hotel number, which she had tried 3 times the day before. As the desk clerk connects her to Emily’s room she starts to pace. She nearly trips and falls when the phone is answered.

“Pre—Prentiss,” Emily croaks.

“Oh, God! Emily?”

Emily shoots up in bed. “Jennifer?”

“Emily, oh, Em—I—sure—you—for—lo—so—mu”

“Jen? Jen—er—eakin—up—ay—”

“I—ear—oo—di—sp—”

The busy signal starts to pulse in JJ’s ear. She stares at her cell phone. “FUCK!” She races into the house and grabs the house phone. She frantically dials the number on the landline and gets the busy signal again.

“DAMN IT!” She hits another number on her cell phone. “Garcia! What the hell is wrong with Billings, Montana?”

“I don’t know. Is this a trick question?” a sleepy Garcia asks.

“Penelope, listen to me,” JJ says with barely controlled rage. “I was talking to Emily, she started breaking up, and now I can’t reach her at all. Not on her cell, not on the hotel line. What the hell?”

Garcia pulls herself out of her warm bed and goes to her computer. “You are damn lucky I love you and Emily as much as I do, Jennifer Prentiss.” The tech goddess types for a few minutes as JJ paces anxiously. Finally she lets out a disappointed breath. “Massive phone outages all over Billings, Jayje. Bad accident took out the town’s cell center. They also lost part of their landline systems. Looks like most of their communications mainframes were housed in the same place. Honey, I’m not sure you’re going to be able to reach her again today.

* * *

 

In her hotel room, Emily hits the phones disconnect several times trying to get a dial tone to no avail. She leaps for her cell phone and turns it on. She paces impatiently, waiting for it to go through the turn on routine. Finally it finishes…and has no bars. “FUCK!” She pulls on her boots and jacket and races out of the room, hoping to get a better signal outside. She stands out in the still swirling snow turning in various directions trying to get a signal but it’s no use.

“The cell towers got knocked out,” the desk clerk says from the doorway.

“What?”

“Driver lost control of his truck and slammed into the power station that serves the cell towers control center. Until it is back up and running there’s no cell service.”

“Son of a bitch! What’s with the phone in the room?”

“We’re on the same grid as the cell company. We lost our landline and intranet.”

“But if I go somewhere else in town will I find a phone I can use?”

“I guess so. I mean, I don’t know how far this outage reaches.”

“Is there a guesstimate on when we might get back to the 1900’s?”

The clerk gives her a smile. “With the storm going they will have a hard time getting it fixed. May be tomorrow before they do.”

Emily drops down into one of the chairs in the lobby. Why had Jen been calling? Was she hurt? Was Henry sick? What is happening?

Emily finally stands and heads back upstairs to shower and get ready to meet the defense attorneys who plan to tear her life’s work to pieces. If nothing else, maybe they will have a working phone.


	12. Chapter 12

By 1 p.m. Emily has decided that all the mean, nasty, rude lawyer jokes she had ever heard were written with these two pinheads in mind. She had finally stood up and glared at them.

“You can believe in profiling or not. I don’t really give a damn. I trust it and I will show that it proves your client is a murdering bastard who should never see the light of day again. See you in court, councilors. I’ll be the one sitting on the winning side of the aisle.”

She storms out of their offices. She doesn’t even bother asking if they have a phone she can try. She walks through the storm to the café down the street. She finds out from them that there are no working phones in Billings, MT. They have gone back to the 1800’s communications-wise.

Emily orders a burger, fries and a shake. She smiles because it’s JJ’s favorite comfort meal. Emily had tried to piece together the bits she had heard before the phones died completely but there just wasn’t enough for her to work with.

As her food is delivered, for better or worse, her mind heads back down memory lane.

* * *

 

**Garcia walks into the bullpen. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not a doctor, I don’t even play one on TV but I believe young JJ is going into labor!”**

**Emily isn’t sure how she doesn’t drop the coffee mug in her hand. Pride surges through her. Her girlfriend is about to have a BABY! Supposedly she had told Jordan that her job was starting but Emily still doesn’t remember saying that. All she can think is they have to get JJ to the hospital so she and Henry are okay.**

**In the car, Garcia calls the doctor and Emily calls Will. The man is shocked.**

**“Are you sure? Really? But she’s not due for—”**

**“—another 3 weeks, we know. But, Will, I really think this is it!”**

**“I’ll be on the next flight out. Emily, if I can’t be there, you’ll be with her, right? She shouldn’t go through it alone.”**

**“I’ll be with them, Will. I promise. Just get here so you can be with them, too. Okay?”**

**“I’ll text you and Garcia my flight info as soon as I have it. And Emily, tell her I love her and Henry.”**

**Emily smiles. “I’ll tell them.”**

**Will had made it on time. Since JJ was in labor for 15 hours he practically could have driven the whole way if he’d needed to. So with Will holding one hand and Emily the other, the three parents had welcomed Henry into the world.**

**“He’s perfect, Jen,” Emily marvels. “All his fingers and toes and his, you know, all right where they should be.”**

**“Thank you, JJ,” Will says, giving JJ a kiss on the forehead. “He really is beautiful.”**

**“Well, I think you had something to do with that, Dad,” JJ tells him.**

**Emily smiles at them. Maybe they wouldn’t be parenting in the same house but they were truly looking to raise this boy together and with love. This could be hard on Will and JJ’s salary. Emily steps to the side and shoots a text to her accountant. She would do what is necessary to make sure Henry felt the love from all his parents. It’s the least she could do for being allowed in his life.**

**Two days later Emily is getting JJ and Henry settled in at the condo. Morgan, Garcia and Reid had worked non-stop to finish turning Emily’s office into a nursery, even though Henry would be in a bassinet in the bedroom for a few weeks. As Emily sets him in his new bed, she looks at JJ.**

**“Is he okay? Is it warm enough in here? I could turn the—”**

**“Em! He’s fine. I swear. Come here.” Emily walks over and sits down on the bed beside JJ. “Thank you for loving me and Henry the way you do. And thank you for not being one of those crazy jealous-types who flips out because Will is still in the picture. You don’t know how much it means to me that we can all three be parents to Henry.”**

**Emily smiles. “My goal in life is to make you and Henry happy. Will is a good man. We’ll be lucky if Henry grows up to be like him.”**

**JJ pulls Emily into a deep kiss. JJ’s hormones are still surging and she is desperate for more but Emily pulls away.**

**“Oh, no you don’t, Agent Jareau. Not yet. Doctor’s orders.”**

**“I hate doctors,” JJ pouts.**

**Emily smiles and kisses her on the nose. “But you’re still going to listen to them. Now get cuddled up in bed and I’ll bring you your lunch.”**

**“Em, you don’t have to do that.”**

**“I know. It’s my pleasure. Humor me, okay?”**

**JJ smiles. “Okay. This time. But don’t expect to keep me around barefoot, pregnant and in bed forever.”**

**“Oh, but a girl can dream,” Emily teases as she walks out of the room, JJ’s giggles following her down the steps.**

* * *

 

Emily stands up from the table, leaving her money and a generous tip for the waitress. The meal had been good. The memories divine.

She wasn’t giving up on JJ and Henry. Nothing in the world could make her give them up without a fight. She heads back to the hotel to prepare her resignation letter. It’s the only way she can be sure to never betray JJ again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flashback references 4:7 Memoriam


	13. Chapter 13

A courier had arrived at the hotel late on Sunday night. The snow had finally stopped but the defense attorneys had managed to get a 2 day postponement for the trial, arguing that the phone issues made it impossible for them to speak with their investigators in a timely fashion.

It’s now Monday afternoon, Emily still had no phone or internet connection, she had yet to get a replacement vehicle, and she was desperately missing her wife and son. But she was also scared to leave her hotel room in case those phones came back online and JJ tried to call.

“Geez, Prentiss, you’re going to lose your mind if you don’t get out of here soon. And if you don’t get home soon you could lose even more.”

A little earlier she had paid one of the maids $50 to go get her a pizza so she wouldn’t have to leave the room. When she hears the knock on the door her stomach rumbles, expecting her lunch/dinner. But when she opens the door the last thing she expected to see was in the hallway.

“Jennifer…Henry,” she breathes wondrously.

“He missed his Mama. So did I,” JJ says simply.

Emily engulfs them both in a hug. Tears stream down both women’s faces. “I’m sorry, Jennifer. So, so sorry.”

“No, Emily, I was wrong. My father pointed out that we can’t tell everyone we can follow orders and then get mad when one of us follows an order the other doesn’t like. I was a brat and a bitch and I treated you horribly. Please say you forgive me?”

Emily cradles JJ’s face in her hands. “I say we forgive each other, learn from this and never, ever do this again. I thought I’d lost you, Jen. And I knew if I lost you I’d have no claim to Henry so I’d lose him, too. I can’t take that thought.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m resigning from the BAU. That way we can—”

“No! You’ve worked your entire to career to get to the BAU. You belong there, Emily. You belong with the team. So do I. The only person who was wrong here was Morgan. And according to Garcia he is dying inside because he knows he was wrong. We’ll deal with him when we get back.”

Emily nods. “Okay.”

“So, Em, you going to let us into the room or what?” JJ asks with a grin.

“Oh! Right. Come in. Here, let me help.”

Emily grabs the two bags sitting in the hallway. She gives JJ a look. “Um, not that I’m not ecstatic to see you, but how are you here?”

JJ laughs. “Someone had to bring you a satellite phone so you could be in communication with us at all times. Garcia volunteered me and Hotch okayed it.”

Emily bursts out laughing. “Why do I feel that you all made up a line of b.s. to swing this trip past Straus’ desk?”

JJ just smiles innocently as she takes the winter suit off of Henry. As he is freed from his cumbersome outfit he reaches for Emily. She takes him in her arms.

“I have missed you, my sweet, sweet boy.” He grabs her lip. “And I have missed singing this to you.” She starts to sing the lullaby as there is a knock on the door. By the time JJ comes back with the pizza and 2 liter of Coke, Henry is asleep in his Mama’s arms.

JJ turns the small sofa in the room around and pushes it against the wall. She puts Henry’s blanket down on it and takes him from Emily, placing him on the make-shift crib. She slowly walks over to Emily, who is sitting on the edge of the bed. She runs her fingers through her wife’s hair.

“I never want to do this again. I never want to feel so…empty.”

Emily takes her hands. “I don’t either.” She kisses both of JJ’s palms. “I don’t even want to argue over simple things. I hate when we argue, Jen. But this…this was…God…”

“I know. So never again, right? If we’re given an order we don’t like we try to get it changed. If not we follow it and the other one is not allowed to hold it against us. Deal?”

Emily smiles. “Deal.”

JJ bends down and seals the pact with a kiss. As she stands, Emily stares into her eyes.

“Can I make love to you? Please?”

“You never have to ask. I’m yours. I love you, Emily Prentiss.”

“I love you, too, Jennifer Prentiss.”

Emily slides her hands under the sweater JJ wears. JJ pulls the garment over her head and discards it. Emily leans forward, kissing the taught stomach in front of her. She breathes in the scent of her wife, feeling something inside her click back into place. Her hands slide up JJ’s side and around her back, undoing the clasp of the blue satin bra.

“I love this bra,” Emily murmurs.

JJ smiles slyly. “I know.”

Emily pulls a breast into her mouth as her hands move to JJ’s pants. JJ’s hand are buried in Emily’s hair. She makes involuntary sounds as Emily reacquaints herself with her wife’s body. Soon JJ is naked and Emily is guiding her towards the bed.

“Wait,” JJ whispers. “My turn to undress you.”

JJ takes her time, kissing and caressing each bit of skin as it is exposed. They lay down on the bed together their hands roaming each other’s bodies. There lips come together in a slow but hungry dance; that which had been missing from their souls the last few days slowly returning to them. When they finally come up for air, Emily looks into JJ’s eyes.

“Te amo, Jennifer. Te amo.”

“Now and always, Emily.”

They make love until Henry interrupts them a couple of hours later. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.


	14. Chapter 14

On Friday morning, Morgan looks up as Emily and JJ enter the bullpen. Emily had gotten back from Montana the night before after helping the prosecution win its’ case. JJ had told him they wanted to meet with him together upon Emily’s return. They say nothing as they walk to the conference room. As Morgan stands to follow them Reid reaches under his desk.

“Morgan, take this.”

Morgan looks over and sees Reid holding up a Kevlar vest. “Ha ha, Pretty Boy.”

Reid just chuckles as Morgan goes in to his meeting with the Prentiss’. He closes the door behind himself. The women sit at the table, glaring at him. He shakes his head and sits across from them, launching into his apology.

“I put myself ahead of the team. I was more concerned with bringing home another win than with doing the job right. I should have never kept information from you, JJ. And I should never have made you keep important information from JJ, Emily. I was wrong. And I promise I will never make this mistake again. This unit functions as more than just at team. We’re a family. I won’t forget that ever again. I swear.”

JJ and Emily exchange a look. It would be easy to let Morgan take the full brunt of the blame but they can’t do that to him. Yes, he made a bad call. But as JJ’s dad had pointed out, JJ and Emily can’t have it both ways.

“Derek, it wasn’t all you,” JJ tells him. “Since we started seeing each other and now that we’re married we have always said we would keep the personal out of the professional. Until this last case we managed to do that. When I realized he had taken someone just because she looked like me I lost it. And instead of putting the blame on Henning I put it on you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

Morgan and JJ look to Emily. She glances at them and raises her eyebrows. “What? I was just caught in the middle. You both owe me big for this.”

The three agents start laughing. Morgan is the first to speak.

“So, we good?”

JJ nods. “We’re good.”

“Always,” Emily confirms.

“Good. Because Hotch had mentioned making me Straus’ personal assistant if I fucked up the team. And you don’t even want to   _know_  what Garcia threatened!”

JJ winces. “No, no I’m sure I don’t.”

They head out of the conference room and head back to their desks. From his office, Hotch watches and smiles. His team was back.


End file.
